I only loosely believe in karma, but I totally believe in math. In math there has to be a balance in every equation. I think thats all I am looking for at this point is some sort of balance. It doesn’t even have to be balance in full. I am willing to put forth the work to meet me in the middle. But here as of late, I am the only one meeting my half
It’s a shame that for a majority of my adult life I have been living with a human vampire and I only realized it until now. The vampires that reside in my domicile are not the blood sucking undead, but rather they suck things just as vital to the human spirit. Joy. For the last 2 years I have shed my own displeasantness of the world and lived in a comfortable awareness of all the facts that I have learned. I have learned that in life that there are people that walk about the earth that have no happiness of their own. They find and feed on those that have found it for themselves and drag them down to whatever pit of hades that they currently occupy.
So here I am living with this kind of vampire, with the fresh realization of what I have kept in my house this long. ” I shall no longer suffer the plight of fools”. I have no ideas who said it but goddamn them for saying it. Fuckin’ a right! I am done. The only is how do I shake the vampire that already have its fangs in me. This is not a rhetorical question. I really have no immediate answer. At a lost of happiness and life.
I was watching Scooby Doo the other day and I could not help but notice something. We all know that the monster is always some guy in a suit trying to scare people away from something. You think that the scooby doo crew could put this together after a while. I don’t know. Maybe the are distracted by the Harlem globtrotter’s or Phillis Diller. I was wondering what would happen on the show if they did not run from the monster. What would really happen? The show would last 12 minutes, that’s what would happen. “Zoiks Scoob he got us…k….You got us….”????
Furthermore these stories always take place way out in the sticks on some farm or something like that. Where the hell does farmer Jenkins have the money and time for a halogram projector for ghosts to scare people?! Government subsidies that how. I frankly am tired of paying taxes so the governement can pay these farmers money for halogram projectors to scare people that might stumble next to their tree. Meanwhile I get samonella infected tomatoes. Thank you farmer Jenkins. How about you spen less time scaring high kids on a road trip and spend more time fixing the tomatoes so I can get a perfect Whopper.
I never intended this blog ever to be anything in particular, especially not a soapbox for political views. But when something this scary happens the midgets in my brain go apeshit. Being that this is their medium I really have no choice but to let them have their space.
If you never have heard of national defense authorization act here is a snippet of what it basically says.
The National Defense Authorization Act (NDAA) for Fiscal Year 2012 was signed into United States law on December 31, 2011 by President Barack Obama. The Act authorizes $662 billion  in funding, among other things “for the defense of the United States and its interests abroad.” In a signing statement, President Obama described the Act as addressing national security programs, Department of Defense health care costs, counter-terrorism within the U.S. and abroad, and military modernization. The Act also imposes new economic sanctions against Iran (section 1045), commissions reviews of the military capabilities of countries such as Iran, China, and Russia, and refocuses the strategic goals of NATO towards energy security.
The most controversial provisions to receive wide attention are contained in Title X, Subtitle D, entitled “Counter-Terrorism.” In particular, sub-sections 1021 and 1022, which deal with detention of persons the government suspects of involvement in terrorism, have generated controversy as to their legal meaning and their potential implications for abuse of Presidential authority. Although the White House and Senate sponsors maintain that the Authorization for Use of Military Force (AUMF) already grants presidential authority for indefinite detention, the Act states that Congress “affirms” this authority and makes specific provisions as to the exercise of that authority. The detention provisions of the Act have received critical attention by, among others, the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU) and some media sources which are concerned about the scope of the President’s authority, including contentions that those whom they claim may be held indefinitely could include U.S. citizens arrested on American soil, including arrests by members of the Armed Forces
As I get older i find that I have become more cynical about the world and how it works. For the longest time when I was growing up I thought that with each election came a new chance to make this country a little better. As an American, voting for a leader is a bedrock ideal. Especially as a black male. Many people throughout history have for and died for me to have the right to vote. As time went on I began to think that voting really didn’t matter. But someone did die for me to have the opportunity to do, so and I didn’t want those sacrifices to be in vain.
Then I watch president Bush send hundreds of thousands of troops to Iraq because they had weapons of mass destruction. For months we as the American public saw nothing of the sort. Then Valerie Plame goes on CSPAN and tells the American public shit we kinda knew already, that there was nothing there. Meanwhile the White House is shaking hands with Haliburton and Lockheed Martin making billions, sending the country in debt and sending people to die with no real tangible reason. In my lifetime this was the most blatant political corruption I had ever seen.
When Barack Obama came on the scene, he did fill me with that childhood hope of things can be different. He platformed on America needs a change and he was the normal everyday guy to deliver it. He had erased all of my cynicism with powerful speeches and great charisma. As time passed and his presidential popularity dove, I developed a theory why this could be.
Most presidents are state politicians and have never worked for the federal government before. During the campaign politicians make promises and statements based on experiences of state government dealings. When they reach the presidency they get a sit down from the powers at be. ”Look her this is what we want done. This is what we will allow you to do, and this is how the shit really runs.” They get that and realize I can’t possibly do all or even most that I promised and they push through congress a watered down version (if at all) what was promised.
I thought I was just being negative and I really didn’t ( and don’t ) have any proof that there are a secret panel of people who run the country. I guess I didn’t want to sound like a crazy conspiracy theorist. When the National Defense Authorization Act was passed at the end of the year one thing became abundantly clear. There is no difference now, if there ever was from president to president. There are two parties for the illusion of choice. Two government approved “choices”. There is one agenda from both parties, get power and keep power. North Korea has many laws that do the same thing. The NDAA was passed under the guise of “protection”. But this level of government protection is not for the people, it’s from the people. This is a desperation law for the political powers to keep their power from a population that had the power to take it away if they saw fit.
With the advent and use of the internet to share ideas and information we have seen at least four countries overthrow their tyrannical governments. And us Americans love us some twitter. I think this generation of Americans have shown in some small part what we are capable of we the injustice is too much. With the help of the internet started and maintained the Occupy movement, and halted SOPA/PIPA.
I am not an anarchist, or anti-American. I don’t fully blame the American government. I blame us. Hitler rose to power legally. German people voted Nazi congressmen into office and eventually Hitler. When he came to power he destroyed the power that could take it away. We voted these people into office. We stood by as the Patriot Act was put into law, and one by one we sold our rights out of fear to feel more protected.
Things do need to change. This country needs a revolution. I just don’t see a way now how it can be done. The rights we were guaranteed upon the creation of this country are now gone. Those rights can now be viewed subjectively as legal or illegal. Our inalienable right, illegal. Now I am afraid.
On my most recent flight I was seated in an emergency exit row. Upon seating the flight attendant came up to me and the conversation went something as follows:
Attendant: Sir this is an emergency exit row.
Attendant: In the case of emergency would you be willing and able to assist in case of an emergency.
This is an important question. ’Would I be willing and able?’ Sure I am able but suppose I am not willing
Passenger: OH MY GOD! THE BACK OF THE PLANE IS ON FIRE OPEN THE EMRGENCY EXIT DOOR.
You can clearly see the importance that you be both willing and able. Flash back to the previous conversation.
Attendant: Now that you have agreed you are responsible to open the door and assist other passengers out to safety.
Me: Ok that’s fine.
But its really not. Hell yeah I’ll open the door. That’s how I get the fuck outta a burning plane in an uncontrolled spiral. Help other people out of the plane first? Doors open folks. Exercise self preservation, and get the hell out, and if you don’t, we can deal with the loss of a person who is functioning so poorly it can’t save itself.
Attendant: If you are not comfortable with these responsibilities, I can re-seat you.
Like I am going to let some other asshole determine if he is willing and able. That’s what I’ll do. I will trust ‘The Situation’ over here in the Ed Hardy costume covered in glitter like a Liberace turd to figure out the complicated mechanics of a door. Besides if I am not at the door God knows how many children and senior citizens I will have to push down or trample to get out.
In case of emergency….Who determines what an emergency is? I think the power ultimately ends with who’s at the door.
Me: WHAT?! NO PEANUTS?! ITS A FUCKIN EMERGENCY. I AM THE FUCK OUTTA HERE! OPEN THE DAMN DOOR.
When I am shitting at home I never check to see if there is enough toilet paper to handle ( for lack of a better word) the load. Sometimes you don’t have the time. So I plop down and begin too fire away at the honest and noble porcelain princess. Only after the first wave has dropped, and I seek entertainment for the rest of the dump do I even look at the shit ticket dispenser. Alas, down to shreds stuck to the cardboard. A chill goes down my spine. NO! Not now! Everything was going so well. NO straining and I got new shampoo so I have something new to read, and now this. Now I am presented with several options. One. I can finish and take a shower. But I am lazy and I don’t want to go through all that trouble. Two. I duck walk around the house looking for more tp, and pray the phone doesn’t ring, or someone pops in for a visit. But since then I have found a few solutions to this problem. When you get fast food, get an ass load of napkins and put them nearby in case of emergency. Or even better stack the toilet paper on the back of the can. Easy access.
Have you ever gone through most of your day and everything in fine. Then you have to pee. So you step to the urinal and go to unzip your pants and… they are already unzipped?! I swear your mind moves miles a second recalling all of the events of the day. Wondering if the joke you told earlier was that funny or was your shit peeking? Or was it really windy, or just breezy?
I have spent most of my adult life being an avid student of life, almost exclusively my own. I delved into why I like certain things and traced them back to a genesis, and with the knowledge of the past I can further understand me in the present and be aware of decisions and opportunites that may present themselves in the future. I have traced, what seemed as meaningless jobs I have held in the past and see how it has prepared me for what I am doing now. At the time, these jobs were just that, jobs. As I moved on in life I have taken skills that I was taught or employed under my own pursuit to do a better job, and applied them to my current situation. In this way there is a certain “lincoln log building” of life that stacks one skill upon another. All the while I was doing this I imagined that there was some overall goal that I was striving for. Now that I have a career that I intend on having until retirement, I now realized that the goal that I was striving for was not my own.
In American dreamland this path would be nearly perfect. Horatio Alger could not have written a better story if he wanted to. Growing up poor, I beat into my own head that this level of living was not going to be my socio-economical plateau. There was more out there and the people who “raised” me settled on just surviving. There were constant battles at home because I was told what I couldn’t do, which was in complete contrast of what I was telling myself. So I went out and did it. Every opportunity that arose which was previously “impossible for me to do” I set out to do it. If I enjoyed it, I continued. If not, it was a life experience and potentially a life lesson.
As I got older fighting for the “impossible” I failed to realize one thing. There was more to life than a standard of living. It seems a little sad that I now only realize that, but there it is. So here I sit with a good standard of living in the place where I want to have it and all the while I feel an overwhelming sense of being unsatisfied. For the longest time I couldn’t figure it out. Why do I feel so unsatisfied? What have I missed? Although there was always a nagging thought that I was supposed to be doing something more than this. Which in most cases was true. One shit job to another, moving three steps backwards to move one leap forward was always a sacrifice I was willing to make. I never thought once that, maybe you’re working toward wrong thing.
I spent years working on myself. From my own mental issues, to talking to people from different walks of life and getting involved in things that would otherwise been completely unknown to me. Constantly trying to be as well rounded and educated as a I could be. Despite the positive benefits of these actions, they also may have been clever distractions of the fact that the “American dream”, which I was working so hard for, was not my hearts true desire to make my life feel fulfilling.
So in a blind rage of revenge, defiance, and spite I did not take the time to look at where I was going and if I was going to like it when I got there. Now I sit a a crossroad of knowledge and decision, a spot all to familiar. I worked very hard to get to where I am in life and in all surface accounts I am satisfied. But I still have the lingering feeling that the life that I have is not mine. It feels untrue and everyday I get up I feel like I am living a lie. At the same time I don’t want to throw it all away, for a chance. But long ago I did. I left behind the security of letting the government take care of me while working a dead end job with little to no responsibility. I may be at the intersection for a while.
In all of my life I have never worked at a fast food company. It’s not that I had anything against it. I just never did it. When I was old enough to have my first job I was living with my aunt and she forebode me from working at a fast food establishment, or a convenience store. She was an elitist but where we lived these places got robbed all of the time, and she didn’t want me dead. So from then on I never even applied to places that fell in that category. As I made more money from job to job I never regressed to working at burger king because I never had the chance to do it.
I have nothing against people who work, in what most of us would call high school jobs. I am of the mind that if everyone was a doctor, we would be up to our asses in garbage. I think their is a hierarchy of employment for a reason. Some of us use the hierarchy to move up to where we want to be in life. While some of us start at the bottom and either are content to stay there or try to get to the top with get rich schemes. I completely understand upward mobility, no matter the vehicle you chose to get there. What I have trouble understanding is the idea of contentment.
This world is larger and deeper than anyone can even imagine, coupled with the intricacies of humanity and nature. There should not be a single person that is not actively learning on a constant basis. One doesn’t have to go outside of themselves to find something to learn. I speak to so many people that have no idea why they do the things that they do or why they like the things that they like. People seem to be content to walk blindly through life and not question anything about the world or even the person that they are. There are multiple studies on the divorce rate in America, and why its so high. I think it’s really simple. People don’t know themselves, and they seem to be getting married and relying on that person to make them happy all the while they don’t know what makes themselves happy.
I might of stumbled on why some people are some way and other people are another. I used to subscribe to the argument of environment vs genetics. A lot of people I talk to say that, well this is the way I was brought up, or, this is what people do where I grew up. Which to me sounds like the dribblings of a weak person, and knowing just of a fraction of what some of these people have gone through I know they’re not weak people. The second most common “excuse” is more or less like the first. This is what my parents did. That way of thinking does not promote an evolution of humanity. There is no improvement with replicating. However of the last few weeks I have found an argument that makes more sense than anything that has been presented thus far.
Marijuana and Joe Rogan have come up with the theory of brain frequencies. The idea is this: Imagine a radio with analog dials. As you slowly surf through the channels there is fuzz, clear channels, faint channels, and there are channels where you can hear two programs at the same time. The human brain is that radio. There are peoples brains that a tuned to one frequency that drives them to seek out life and explore all it has to offer. These peoples friends are in a certain amplitude of frequencies that they can relate to. Some are dead on the same frequency ( best friend), and others can barely hear the clear broadcast (associates). While other people are on a completely different frequency altogether. Other frequencies can be content to retire from gas station, or drown children and be ok with it. Some of these frequencies are closer than others. I think the distance of said frequencies relate to the level of understanding of one another.
I don’t know anything. This could be right. This could be wrong. But I do know know that there is nothing in this world that will stop me from exploring ideas, and creatively responding to the world I live in. It’s just the frequency I am on.
Every toaster that I have seen has a little dial on the side to adjust the level of toastivity ( it is a word because I made it so). There are usually 3 to 5 setting from 1 to 3 or 5, depending on your toaster. I think that the general consensus for delicious toast is the standard golden brown.
First of all why would you toast bread on the lowest setting. Why are you wasting your time? What do you hope to accomplish. Did you want toast then change your mind after putting it in the toaster? Congratulations asshole you now have dry stale tasting bread. Happy?
And there is the maximum setting. What dish calls for the consuption of CHARCOAL?! Who the hell uses that setting? I can’t even imagine any scenario when a charred wheat/white flap is needed.
What is the point to all of this? There should be no dail, knob, lever or whatever the hell you have on your toaster. If you want toast, fine put it in the toaster. If not eat the bread and shut the fuck up!